How I Got Started

What is it that fuels each and every one of us in this world? For me, it is 'Begin Healing The Shame Within'. My life from the start has been interesting, to say the least.  I have suffered a multitude of abuse and trauma.

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I have lived in turmoil both within my neighborhood and within my own home. I have been a survivor of mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I became a victim of a couple of crimes as well. Both of these crimes involved me being held at gunpoint. I was lucky to have survived these physical events, but again the emotional trauma that was buried and seared within me lingered. Which only added another layer. One that led to panic/anxiety attacks... Imagine that. 

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My neighborhood was extremely rough. It was a hotbed for crime, you name it, we had it. Which, all unfolded right outside of my front door. As if that was not enough to live in a high state of alert, there was also the additional layer of trauma brought on by my father. He was  a very aggressive and abusive man. Mentally, verbally, and physically. It all became real one evening when my father tried to kill my entire family when I was very young. These memories left deep emotional scars. The trauma that haunts me has damaged my nervous system and how I respond to life. It impacted my self-image along with my internal dialogue as well. 

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My true saving grace was my Mom. She was my rock, my only solid foundation. Even amid all this daily chaos in our lives, she taught us about perseverance and unconditional love. She was the only source in our life that we could count on for stability and happiness. She also fostered within us a sense of hope, that all was not lost. We were her whole focus. One of my fondest memories is how over the years growing up, she was always creating her own silly songs to help distract and engage us in something much lighter and fun. Doing whatever she could to support us and provide us with a space of love and laughter. I am beyond thankful for that influence and her true unconditional love. As I do not know where I would be, or even who I would be, if it wasn't for her. 

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After the birth of my child, I was flooded with suppressed memories of sexual abuse. Which all made it hard for me to find a sense of wholeness, well-being, or even a sense of worth or value. It became hard to function day to day. Some days, trying to resemble a normal life became such a struggle. The majority of the time I would be so exhausted from fighting my internal battles within myself. Fighting demons, from the abuse and trauma that had scarred me. It was impossible to give my all or my full attention to anything outside of my safety and well-being. I was constantly busy internally, putting out these fires. Which did not leave me any time or energy to feel free, safe or calm.  Let alone the time to relax or enjoy the moment. As I was emotionally and physically bankrupt. How can I invest any time into living my life, when all of my energy and focus was on my safety and survival? The accumulation of trauma from these events has given me some pretty unhealthy coping mechanisms, as one would imagine. 

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I learned firsthand the importance of reframing my inner talk, my self-image and my core beliefs. Along with the importance of doing so in the right context. Not from a place of feeling broken, or damaged, but from a space within where I am creating healing, compassion, acceptance, and wholeness.  

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My whole life's purpose has been to heal myself from all that I have experienced and endured in this life. I have grown tired of living my life in fear, anxiety, and shutdown mode. As that mode never works. I needed progress, peace, stability, and a sense of well-being and worth in my life.  To reach a point of feeling safe within myself, my own body, my family, and my environment. Wherever I am at. The effects of abuse and trauma run deep. The more experiences, exposures, & traumatic events one has lived through in their life, then the more the person tends to adopt unhealthy, unnatural habits, and patterns to cope with them. 

 

If you can relate to any of these aspects or patterns, you have come to the right place!This is a safe environment for those who have also experienced any of these types of unfortunate events via trauma and  or abuse. This is a community here for people like you and I.

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Let’s all stop hiding in the shadows of fear, shame, guilt, and humiliation. Together we can learn to step out into the light onto a path of peace and well-being. Because you, yes, YOU matter! You are welcome here. You are not alone nor do you have to go through this journey alone. Know that healing is possible. You can find your way to healing and have a meaningful life. One that is filled with peace, joy, and love. 

But only if you are brave enough and willing to take the journey within. Shall we begin?